alright this is becoming a theme for 2020

i'm wondering if i would finally feel like a Grown Up once i become somebody's fiance/wife. maybe that's the reason i want it. would that come at the cost of losing my identity, though? how secure am i with my identity? how much do i even care??? why do i need to feel like a Grown Up and why can't i feel that way without a ring on my finger????
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